


I cried for us

by Pearlislove



Series: Ymbryne stories [4]
Category: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Miss Bunting and Miss Avocet tries to  to deal with the outcome of the immortality project. Some days are harder than others.
Relationships: Miss Avocet & Miss Bunting, Miss Avocet/Miss Bunting
Series: Ymbryne stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020474
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	I cried for us

**Author's Note:**

> Miss Bunting and Miss Avocet are gay, and they run their school together as all our favorite gay couple. This is the angsty take on how the immortality project affected them and their relationship.

"I can't believe they did...that!" Esmeralda spat, throwing her hands in the air to try and expel more of her overflowing emotions.

"No one can believe it. How could we have predicted this?" Rosemary asked worriedly, watching her partner walking back and forth across the floor. "Will you please sit down?"

"You!" Suddenly refocusing her attention, Esmeralda turns around to point at her partner. "You insisted on bringing those dreadful boys along!" She exclaims, her anger turning towards the one she loved the most.

"They were a family!" Rosemary insisted, shocked to see Esmeralda’s anger now directed at her instead. "I couldn't break them apart. It was not right." 

She tries to stand tall, but inevitably shrank back as the other woman approached her. Esmeralda's eyes were ablaze with furry and grief, and not for the first time in their long relationship, she felt fearful.

"It wasn't right what they did to her! They tried to kill her twice, twice!" Esmeralda screams, her voice rising to terrifying levels. "How many times will you let them kill our own kind?!"

"I didn't let them do anything!" Rosemary shouted back, entirely in fear. "Please, Esme, stop." She begs, turning to the door to try and escape.

"Oh no you don't! This is not over!" Esmeralda grabs onto her shoulder, holding it in a vice-like grip and squeezing it. "We are not done talking."

Rosemary shook her head, trying to squirm free. "We are! We are done with Esmeralda!" She insisted. "Let me go!"

Thankfully, young Edalyn - soon to be Miss Kestrel - comes stumbling in the door, and in the confusion that follows, Rosemary can escape.

Later, she finds herself crying in an empty classroom. Her shoulder aches and she can't understand why Esmeralda would do such things to her. Why she would say such terrible things to her.

Yes, she had cared for Jack and Myron. She had taken care of them when their sister went to school and tried her best to give them an equal education, despite only being peculiar. She had believed in them, telling them they deserved it all.

But she would never have wished harm on a fellow sister, nor did she ever tell them to try and take what they couldn't have.

She cries harder. Her heart tears apart with grief, not only for the countless peculiars and Ymbrynes involved - even though she'd known every one of them, and loved them dearly. 

But most of all, she ached for her two baby boys. They had betrayed her, and pulled all the other people she knew with them down into the abyss.

She could die. It's how she feels, and she wants to scream for the universe to just take her too, but she knows it's no good.

Esmeralda was the person truly breaking. And she was her loyal partner - she depended on her to stand up tall and fight, and so she could not let her down. 

But sometimes, when her anger got the best of her, it was so hard. Hard to hold on, had to trust that there was a point _in_ holding on.

* * *

"Rosemary?" Esmeralda pushed the door open, and prayed that her girlfriend might be found in the abandoned classroom beyond the door. She's been around, everywhere, it feels like - and still, she has not found what she seeks.

By now, the guilt is eating at her. She feels terrible, knowing she had not acted appropriately with her earlier. She had let her ire get the best of her, and the result had been terrible. Looking back she could hear the fear in her lover's voice as she pleaded for her to let her go.

"Leave me alone."

The voice that greets her is defeated and thick with tears. It tries to be forceful, but no one would listen to someone that sounds that way.

"My sweet girl, don't be like that." She says, speaking gently as she knows she has not behaved. "We can fix this."

Rosemary shakes her head. 

"You can't fix this, Esmeralda. You don't want to fix this!" She wails, her voice pathetically high-pitched and full of despair. "You don't care!"

Esmeralda had no idea what to do. She had never seen Rosemary quite this way, and she wanted to cry, seeing heartbroken her lover was.

"Oh...uh, I'll, I'll give you some time." She slowly starts walking backwards, heading to the door. "I...I will see you at dinner."

She closes the door, and nearly screams from the pure anger and frustration that fills her at the thought of actually having abandoned her.

She knew Rosemary would not have abandoned her for anything, no matter what she said. But Esmeralda was a coward, and so, instead, she ran.

* * *

By dinner time, Rosemary is not back. Esmeralda sits alone and the head of the table and by now, the worry is real.

Something is wrong. She knows it, and so, despite the staring eyes of her pupils she gets up and runs to find her.

She got half a mind to head back to the empty classroom, but something pulls her in another direction. A tug at her heart, telling her to run up the stairs to the next level.

"Rosemary?" She calls for her as she goes, staring out at the sleeping halls, and thinking she must be crazy to be chasing her there. "Where ever have you gone, my sweet girl?"

She focuses on the tugging in her stomach, and it leads her onward, up the stairs another level to the roof. Somehow, though her brain protests with every step, her heart knows that that is where she will find the woman she is looking for.

Once on the roof, it turns out she was completely right. Because sitting there, all the way out on the edge of the building, is Rosemary. She can hear her crying loudly, and if her heart was not already in her throat it would be at this point. 

This was her fault. Esmeralda didn’t know how, but somehow she had driven her lover out to the edge of the roof with her careless attitude and cowardice actions.

“Esmeralda?” As soon as she starts stepping toward her, Rosemary turns around, looking at her with blearily, red-cried eyes. “Why did you come out here? You should be at dinner with the girls.”

“I don’t eat without you. and you weren’t there.” Esmeralda whispers, stepping closer. “Why are you out here? Come back inside, won’t you? It’s cold.”

“I’m not cold.” Rosemary turned further away, insisting not to meet her girlfriend’s gaze. “Please just go. Go back to your students and your warm dinner and let me be.”

Esmeralda was shocked by the way she spoke. If she had sounded defeated before, this was entirely lifeless. “Never” She hurries to protest, swallowing her own feelings of self-preservation to sit down on the ledge beside her. “When have I ever abandoned you, my sweet girl?” She asks, smiling sweetly at her though she still won’t look.

“This morning” 

The ice cold answer came quickly, and a cold hand squeezes Esmeralda’s heart. She had known leaving her alone in the classroom had been a big mistake and an act of cowardice, but she had done it nonetheless - hoping things might be resolved on their own, without the help of her own abysmal negotiating skills. Still, in the end, it had caused nothing but a worse scenario than when we started.

“You wanted to hurt me this morning” Rosemary continues to speak, and her legs swing a little as they hang over the edge. “I could tell you wanted to hurt me because you were so angry, and if not for Edalyn coming in you would’ve hurt me.”

It was the final nail in the coffin. Esmeralda sure that Rosemary had lost her mind, because the whole situation was absurd.

"My sweet girl, I would not." Esmeralda informs her with the softest voice can mutter. She puts an arm around her girlfriend, worried by how Rosemary squirms and dangles her legs. "You know I _do not_. Unlike other people I have loved in my life, I know that love and hurt don't mix." She holds her close, and dares to out a tiny kiss against her cheek.

  
  


Rosemary shuddered. "I can't do this Esme. I can't." She whispers, and fat tears roll down her cheeks. "Please let it end."

Esmeralda can't breath. "Oh no sweet girl, don't!" She holds on tighter, thoughts running through her head at high speed - But one sticks out the most.

If Rosemary goes, so does she. They won't, they can't, but if they have to - it will be together.

"I love you. All the girls love you. I know things have been difficult for us...but they'll be better again." She assured her, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

Rosemary took a moment to take in what she was saying, and shook her head again. "It won't get better. You'll never be happy again." She said depressingly. "You're never happy anymore."

"Rosemary…" Esmeralda's voice trembled, and she tried to pull it together. She was used to Rosemary looking after her every time she got upset and angry, but this time it was her turn to care for her partner. "It's been hard. I try, but...we've lost a lot. And it makes me sad, yes, but it doesn't mean things are hopeless." 

Rosemary nodded, burying her head against Esmeralda as she continued to pet and kiss the younger woman.

"Do you really blame me for what Myron and Jack did?"

The question is sudden, and Esmeralda startled, the both of them rocking precariously where they sat.

"My girl, why don't we go inside to talk? It's cold out here." Esmeralda suggested, worried that they might fall and one of them would fail to transform.

"No!" Rosemary pulled away, frowning. "Answer me, or we are done!" She threatened.

"Okay, okay!" Esmeralda nearly screams, the sudden threat perhaps what scares her most. That, and either of them falling off the roof. "I don't blame you sweetheart. I would never do that."

"You did this morning. You said _it was my fault_!" She exclaimed, tears dripping down her face. "But now you don't blame me? Because we're on a ledge?" She argued angrily.

"I never blamed you! I said things by mistake, in anger! It makes me unhappy!" She shouts back, terrified and guilty in equal measures.

Rosemary sighed, leaning in towards her girlfriend once more. "They betrayed me. I took them in and I took care of them. Even when everyone else only saw their sisters, I always saw them. And they betrayed me."

Esmeralda sighed, rubbing Rosemary's arm. She knew what she said was true - they may have been attendees of her Ymbryne academy, but she had never cared for them. Not the way she cared for her girls. It was only because of Rosemary they had not been left behind altogether.

"And it is the most ungrateful thing anyone could ever do." She said seriously, kissing Rosemary again. "But please, my sweet girl, you have to believe things can be better."

"But it hurts." Rosemary hates to protest, but no matter how she tries she can't find a happy word to say. "I know I should...should help you. It's hard for you. But it, it hurts...so much." She said sadly, trying to move even closer. Slowly, she was starting to see that Esmeralda was right - it was cold up on the roof.

"Shh, it's okay. You _always_ take care of me." Esmeralda insisted, taking off her shawl to put it around Rosemary. "You let me take care of you this time, okay?" She said.

Rosemary nodded, tears rising in her eyes once more. "Please. I…I can't." She cried, surrounded by the smell and warmth of her partner. "I can't do this anymore."

Esmeralda nodded. "That's why I'm here. You're never alone with me." She said decidedly. "Now, let's get off this roof." She ordered, pulling away momentarily - a hand still on Rosemary's shoulder - to stand back up.

Rosemary hesitated. She looked between the older woman, her hand outstretched for her to take, and the ground somewhere far below her feet.

Softly, she exhaled. "I'm sorry. Try not to have a heart attack "

Esmeralda's eyes went wide, and she reached out, trying to grab hold of her girlfriend once more."Rosemary don't…!" 

It was too late. Pushing against the cold stone beneath her hands, she tumbled forward, falling helplessly out into the air. For a few terrifying seconds, she fell towards her death, and then, suddenly, it was just her clothes floating away on the window.

Esmeralda could hardly breath. She stood there, staring, a silent scream on her lips that melted into relieved tears as she saw the tiny bird flying back up towards the roof.

"Never do that again! You gave me a heart attack!" She exclaimed, telling off the tiny bird as it landed effortlessly on her should. "If you do that again I will follow you. I will not stand here without you." She warned, taking the bird into her hands and kissing it's tiny head. "We'll need to get you new clothes now."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Esme. I really am." Once back in human form, Rosemary made sure to apologies profusely. She knew she had frightened Esmeralda terribly with her fall, regardless of if she had turned out fine or not. "I just needed...needed to try it. I didn't think you would be stupid enough to follow." She said honestly.

"This time I didn't." Esmeralda answered sourly. "But I mean it. I'm here with you, or not at all." She said softly, climbing into bed next to her now naled lover. 

Softly, she kissed her, draping an arm around her slender waist. "I love you."

Rosemary smiled, leaning in to the touch and kissing her back. It felt good, to get inside Esmeralda's hard shell to the loving, kind woman she had first fallen in love with all those years ago. "There's the woman I love." She teased. "Thought I lost her."

Esmeralda rolled her eyes. "I'll always be the woman you fell in love with. Just not in front of the students." She said softly. "They need a leader. Now more than ever. Someone to step up to the task."

"Just don't put too much on your shoulders " Rosemary mumbled, putting her head down on the other woman's chest. "Nothing is worth your health and happiness."

"Hey! I'm supposed to comfort here." Esmeralda smiled, looking down at her lover. "You're the one we're focusing on right now, okay?

Rosemary nodded. "I'm sorry, truly. I shouldn't have scared you like that. It was not good of me."

"And I am sorry for putting my hand on you. For making you think I care so little for you." Esmeralda answered, her arms tightening around the other woman. "Promise me, if you ever think like that again, tell me! Please, I beg, tell me. Before you go up to the roof"

Rosemary nodded. "I will. Oh Esme I promise I will." She is almost crying again, upset at the whole situation.

"Good" Esmeralda nodded, drying the tears from her cheeks. "Now try and get some rest. I bet you've not been sleeping good. I know I haven't." She explained, placing another kiss on her cheek. "My sweet girl."

"Good night, Esme." Rosemary whispered, getting comfortable. 

She waits for a few moments to see if she'd get a reply, and when nothing comes, she looks over. Esmeralda was fast asleep already, snoring softly beside her.

She sighed deeply.

"Let's try this again tomorrow."

  
  



End file.
